Sep 252012

Vera watering the garden at school.

Vera has been in school for almost a month now. Big transitions like this are always strange — one day your life looks a certain way, and the next day life is entirely different. Vera has been with family at all times for over three years, and suddenly she’s out there living a separate and independent life each day.

Obviously, this has been a transition for all of us. Vera is learning to rely on her own resources without the safety net of family to back her up. I am learning to live with the lack of information, to piece together her activities from the cryptic sentence or two she shares at the end of the day. Luckily, we hit the jackpot with both school and teacher, so it feels reasonably safe sending her out into the great unknown each day.

Starting school is a big deal for any family, but it’s really really big for a stay-at-home mom. You go from having no time at all (at least with my kid; she was never one to entertain herself) to enjoying six hours a day to yourself. I thought this would be revolutionary. This was going to be my chance to whip our sad house into shape, change my health habits, start writing and blogging again, finally tackle my book….

Turns out, not so much. I thought childcare was the main thing holding me back, but in fact my health holds me back even more. I’ve had a small health crash lately, so most of my day is spent resting up to prepare for the hours between school pickup and Vera’s bedtime. I can’t sleep but am too tired to function normally. I’m basically useless. Half the time, I can’t summon the energy to even read. I lie in bed, poke my phone off and on, play ridiculous amounts of mindless games. Hours and hours to the day, and I can’t use any of them. It has been incredibly frustrating and a little depressing.

I pushed myself to exhaustion and beyond for 3 1/2 years, trying to keep going as wife and parent despite my illness. In the grand scheme of things, I know that one month isn’t enough time to recover. I’m trying to go easy on myself. But it’s still frustrating, at the end of the day, to look back and feel I have nothing to show for my existence.

No real point or conclusion to this post. Just wanted to give a little update on the state of things around here. Expect some useful household and baby tips and more travel updates in coming days.

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