Nov 282012

When your child becomes a toddler, you eventually find yourself uttering all kinds of things your pre-baby self never would have imagined saying out loud. Sometimes I write down these strange new house rules. Here are a few favorites:

But I don’t want a napkin in my bra!

Why are you combing Daddy’s hair with bread?

Why is there a sippy cup on the cat??!?

Seatbelts are not for chewing!

Stop sitting on ice.

The breadbasket is not a hat.

Please don’t molest Mommy in public. (Note: in public. I gave up at home long ago.)

Do not eat the couch peas. Eat the bowl peas.

I will eat the floor chicken.

We do not throw fruit at the dog.

Stop kissing the wall.

You’ve brushed your teeth enough today.

And my favorite: Please be gentle with Daddy’s leash.

(*The title comes from my husband’s proud achievement of teaching our then-toddler to eat brains like a zombie. She learned the skill before she was certain where actual brains are located….)

What unexpected things have you found yourself uttering lately?

  4 Responses to “Be Gentle When You Eat Mama’s Knee Brains*”

  1. I’m laughing so hard right now. With only furbabies in the house, our conversations are still funny but in a different way. ;)

    “No, I will not turn the light on just for you to eat.”
    “You are not human and you don’t need to sleep on my pillow.”
    “Please get out of the dishwasher.”

    • Ha, T, we totally talk to our pets too. And I had to laugh at the dishwasher one — I had a cat who loved the dishwasher too!

  2. “No, Daddy doesn’t have a big vagina.”

    …two year olds. Gotta love them.

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