When your child becomes a toddler, you eventually find yourself uttering all kinds of things your pre-baby self never would have imagined saying out loud. Sometimes I write down these strange new house rules. Here are a few favorites:
But I don’t want a napkin in my bra!
Why are you combing Daddy’s hair with bread?
Why is there a sippy cup on the cat??!?
Seatbelts are not for chewing!
Stop sitting on ice.
The breadbasket is not a hat.
Please don’t molest Mommy in public. (Note: in public. I gave up at home long ago.)
Do not eat the couch peas. Eat the bowl peas.
I will eat the floor chicken.
We do not throw fruit at the dog.
Stop kissing the wall.
You’ve brushed your teeth enough today.
And my favorite: Please be gentle with Daddy’s leash.
(*The title comes from my husband’s proud achievement of teaching our then-toddler to eat brains like a zombie. She learned the skill before she was certain where actual brains are located….)
What unexpected things have you found yourself uttering lately?