You know those women who snap into a practiced pose the moment a camera appears? The perfect big-but-not-too-big smile, chin up, hips at three-quarter turn? Yeah, that’s … not me. I grow awkward under social scrutiny, and a camera lens gets me worst of all. I never know when to blink, how to smile (small looks forced, big and joyous leaves me with crazed, squinty eyes), where to stand, what to do with my arms.
But, even with that history, I have never loathed my appearance in photos as much as I do since becoming a mother. The baby weight hangs on me both physically and psychologically, my hair is thin and perpetually unwashed, and gray skin and eye bags signal my exhaustion. Occasionally I appear in the background of family photos, holding up the baby (which is to say, trying to hide behind her). But relatively few survive my heavy-handed access to the digital “delete” button.
Before last month’s BlogHer conference, I emailed a blogger I hoped to meet and scanned this blog for a photo I could link as a “look for me” aid. There were few! (And, of course, the ones that exist I deemed too awful to send….) Luckily, I took the realization as a wake-up of sorts. Life is too short to go around feeling apologetic for the face you show to the world.
So, hi. This is me. Good to see you.
Are you a natural model, or do photos make you nervous? Mothers, do you also struggle with post-baby self-image? Any solutions?
I always look just a liiiiittle crazed in pictures, like I'm happy, but if you push me just a little bit, I'll stab you with a steak knife. I don't mean to (haven't stabbed anyone in years, I swear!) but somehow it always happens.
I've struggled with acne since I was a pre-teen. I often hate photos of myself, but I keep taking them, thinking that another angle, or different like would change everything. I recently took some make-upless photos of myself and I want to write a post about them for the very reason you wrote about: Life is too short to go around feeling apologetic for the face you show to the world. Thanks for the reminder!
You and your daughter are beautiful. Please don't fear the camera! My mother always hid behind us as kids, and I wish we had more photos of us together now.
Koritsimou, how is it that genuine smiles so often translate to "slightly crazed"? Maybe it's a Wisconsin thing, ha ha. And glad you've been doing better at holding off on that stabbing thing….Turtle, that did occur to me. (And thanks for the sweet compliment.) I loooooooove any pics of my mother from my childhood, and would hate to deprive my dear daughter of the same. Not to mention starting to worry about setting a good example for HER in terms of not putting too much mental energy into worries about appearance.Melinda, I would love to see your photos and read your post! Love it when bloggers inspire each other to be "real" about things. It's hard to find the balance between sharing real life and feeling like we're oversharing or even whining, so it's too easy to slip into only sharing the really good stuff. But reading all that makes me feel even more like I'm not keeping up with everyone else's perfect life! So I identify so much whenever bloggers let their vulnerabilities show. And, p.s., I've been jealous all along of your beautiful, seemingly effortless style in person and your perfect vintage look in your wedding and Vegas pics. Mind-boggling to think my style icon could be self-conscious.
I tend to hide from the camera if they are full body shots. I haven't had a baby just yet but I am embarrassed by my body especially with some extra weight gain. You are right though, we should just be happy and not worry so much about the small stuff. Btw I think you look great- tired (which I always look bc of horrible undereye circles) means you are living life
Charmi, have you ever heard the theory that "The Man" uses weight standards as a way to keep women focussing all their attention on it rather than, say, organizing politically or taking over business? I don't think The Man is actually that organized, in the conspiracy sense, but sometimes weight and appearance worries definitely do have that effect. And I love your undereye circle theory! We say the same when the baby gets a little dirty outside … who wants to live life too quietly and carefully??
I think you are beautiful
& I like what Turtle said about having pictures of the two/three of you for her when she is older. I cherish pictures of my mom with my sisters and I! So often she was the one behind the camera 
I think you're beautiful. Your face reads of content, peacefulness, and blissful happiness. I can only hope to look that serene when I join the ranks.
just wanted to say hello, to you two gorgeous creatures. xo.
Having met you in real life I have to say that you are totally gorgeous. You might not feel that way on the inside, but this is my perspective from the outside. And even better, you were one of the most interesting, easy to connect with people I've met in a long time. I know this doesn't answer your questions, but it's more of a response to your title.
I am going to have to echo the comments above. You are beautiful. I also suffer from squinty eyes when smiling. So annoying. Plus, as I have gotten older I am now a dead ringer for my dad. Not good. If you don't have "dad face" you are doing just fine.I always find it interesting that when I see a photo of myself right after it is taken I am hyper-critical of it, but if I see it many years later I am stunned at how good I looked. Weird.
Good for you! Your children won't care how good you looked, only that you were there.
My husband and I just had a conversation about this the other day. I told him I wanted him to take more pictures of me with the baby because I'm always behind the camera. So a couple days later he did, and when I looked at it the first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh ewwww! Remind me to never wear my hair like that ever again!" We are so hard on ourselves as women and when we become mothers, we only get worse it seems. You are so right: life is too short for that. Even though we think we look so gross now, I bet in 20 years we'll look back on these photos and think, "My goodness, look how lovely and young I was!" That's what I keep reminding myself. It helps me be brave in front of the camera.
You are all so supportive and kind. I love our blog community!!And Staci and Kasia, you're absolutely right about the passage of time and how it affects our reaction to photographs. It's tremendously rare that I look at a recent photo without criticism, yet I never seem to share that same criticism looking at the same photo years later. A good laugh at my 1980-1993 perms, perhaps, but definitely not the same hyper-critical eye. And that was before the age of photoshopping away our blemishes!
So maybe there's hope for us yet….
Awesome post. I can so relate. I'm not a mom yet, but I can relate with feeling uncomfortable in front of a camera. And youre so right – life is too short for that!
Tara you are so beautiful! But I know the feeling… I was about 50 lbs skinner in high school than I am now and whenever I see a picture of me now all I see is the girl who isn't the one from high school. I recently had to send a picture for a Guest blog and it took me awhile to find one I liked. I'm going to try to take what you've said to heart "Life is too short to go around feeling apologetic for the face you show to the world" and live those words. Thank you
you're beautiful, tara. i think your genuineness and intelligence doubles it. then you add in that adorable daughter…