Well, here’s the promised baby update. (With photos for anyone who doesn’t want to read the epic.)
Before we got pregnant, I wasn’t the least bit interested in babies. I’m sensitive to those of you in the same boat, so I try not to go on and on about the kid. But turns out I compensated too far in the other direction and haven’t told you anything! Many thanks to Negative Nancy, Fallgirly, Sweet T, Allison, and A for the reminder.
(“Tell me you’re not going to put this on your blog.”)
First, the General Update
Parenting an infant presents certain universal experiences — exhaustion, spit-ups, the addictive properties of baby snuggles…. But much of the new-parent experience also varies depending on your personal situation and the baby’s personality and sleep habits.
My own situation involves health challenges, and also a lot of help dealing with them. I’ve been on disability for a few years due to chronic illness. In some ways, this is the perfect time to have a baby because I’m not forced to choose between returning to work and spending time with our baby. On the other hand, there’s the illness. Mr T also works from home, and he’s at least a full partner in baby and household duties. My mother stays with the baby every morning while we finish sleep and start the day. Most new mothers couldn’t dream of so much help on a daily basis. But my need for rest, healing, and personal time is still so much higher than our life allows. Most days are a long, grinding process of putting exhaustion and pain aside, again and again, in favor of the baby’s needs.
(Worth it for the cheeks alone….)
The baby also presents challenges. She doesn’t sleep much, and never on her back. She also hates the swingy chair, the bouncy chair, the play mat … basically any device that would let us SET HER DOWN for a few minutes to get something done. Last week I told Mr T of a blogger whose infant sleeps for 8 hours at a time (in a crib!), sits in a bouncy chair while her mother showers, and then takes a nap. Mr T’s response was to ask, “Are there also unicorns and rainbows IN THAT CRAZY FAIRY LAND??!?!”
On the upside, she’s a really great kid. The word “delightful” comes to mind. Rarely cries, loves to smile, loves a good laugh, loves to try new things. Always up for an adventure to a store or restaurant or coffee shop. Strangers constantly coo over her, and granted all babies get cooed at. But Elsa has a little something extra — a sparkle in her eye, an involvement with her world, a certain charm that draws people in….
(So good at the Nationals/Orioles game, I couldn’t even break out the “no crying in baseball” jokes.)
Other Questions
“What has happened lately that you just loved being part of?” “What has amazed you most about mommyhood?”:
When Elsa was first born, every tiny problem left her in a panic. I couldn’t wait until she came to understand that needs aren’t a crisis because we are there to fix them. I’ve been thrilled to see that process play out, to watch her reach a basic baby understanding that she is loved and supported. As a parent, it means the world to see your child thinking, “you know, that Mommy person and that Daddy person, they’ve got my back.”
In terms of what amazes me, this may sound a bit odd, but: I always knew we’d love our baby. Everyone (hopefully) loves their babies. But I’ve been amazed at how much we also really like her, on a personal level. She’s barely old enough for coherent thought; I can’t believe she has any personality at all at this point. Yet somehow she manages to be smart, fun, interested in everything, and full of surprisingly sophisticated humor. I find that amazing!
“What do you do for yourself to keep sane?” “Are your goals different?”:
I wish I had a better answer on the sanity front. Mr T is great about giving me a few regular hours to myself, but that’s mostly used to lie down and rest. With no work, no time for hobbies, no energy for blogging, really no chance to use an adult skill-set in any way … I do feel sanity draining away.
So in some ways, my goal at this point is just to have goals that I might be able to reach. But my goals for work have also changed since the baby. Before, I wasn’t sure I’d return to full-time legal work once my illness is over. Now that I don’t have any adult activities, I realize how much I under-valued the chance to do something I’m both educated for and good at. Now, the thought of going to an office and performing legal analysis all day sounds like heaven!
“Have you had a night away from the baby yet?”:
Alas, no. We don’t have a babysitter yet, and my mother is already exhausted from her “morning shift.” We’d love to get away even just to see a movie, but so far we just can’t figure out the logistics. As for a real night away, when things get rough I have a secret fantasy of spending the night alone in a hotel. Oh, the unimaginable luxury of a bath, some reading time, and 8+ hours of uninterrupted sleep!!!
And finally, “How’s the nursery now that it’s being inhabited?” To which I say “Inhabited? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!” (Hopefully one of these days. Not like she’s using a crib anyway, but it would be very nice to have the space.)
