#reverb10 Day Three: Alive in the Moment

 Just Life, Motherhood  2 Responses »
Dec 042010
 

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year.

Having both a dog and a baby can be tricky when you’re alone and the dog needs to go outside. It’s easier with a mobile toddler, but bringing a toddler on a dog walk turns a 5 minute task into a 30 minute odyssey — the baby must hold the leash (WITHOUT HELP), she automatically heads for the park, there are fits when I explain for the 300th time that dogs are not allowed in the playground….

Elsa and Zoe in earlier days

But last spring the baby was just beginning to walk, and all that remained ahead.  It was a golden late-spring morning, the first day of the season that didn’t call for a sweater, and I decided to take both dog and baby to the grassy spot at the end of the block.  I shlepped over, juggling babe-in-arms and dog-on-leash, then sat cross-legged in the grass and set them both free.

Our dog, Zoe, has always been great with the baby. But she wasn’t used to the baby’s new mobility, and seeing the baby toddle around outside struck deep at the heart of her herding instincts. She grew so excited that she flipped out.  Shelties do a glorious thing when they freak out.  When a Sheltie is so worked up that she doesn’t know what to do with herself, she starts to run. Unprompted, unassisted, racing in joyous circles with ears back and wind in the ruff. Occasionally she slides in for an abrupt landing, and then it’s off to run again.

I love these Sheltie freakouts so much that I started to laugh like a madwoman, slapping my knees and crying from the hilarity. (It’s the only time I’ve actually slapped my knees at something funny — a literal knee-slapper.) The baby loves a good joke, so she started giggling and slapping at her knees just like Mama, eventually laughing so hard she fell over and rolled in the grass. We hooted, the sun shined, the grass tickled our ankles. And all the while, the dog was circling, landing, and circling some more.

Luckily I am not generally prone to voices in my head. But at that moment, I heard one very clearly, and it said to me: “This is joy.”

 Posted by Tara at 5:18 am

#reverb10 Day Two: Writing

 Just Life  5 Responses »
Dec 032010
 

The second #reverb10 question is: What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing, and can you eliminate it?

My first thought was “mother our high-maintenance baby” (she doesn’t allow me a computer, pen, or phone without demanding it from my hands) and “the authorities seem to frown on that sort of thing.”

If you don't know what this is, you are more productive than I am.

But realistically, there are other distractions that would be easier to cut. Most pressingly, I spend a frightening amount of time on computer games. Maybe 30-90 minutes each day, but over a month that adds up to almost an entire work week. Yikes!

The games almost always happen because I’m too brain-dead for anything else, but sometimes it pays to write even when you’re brain-dead. You can research, type out a brainstormed first draft, sometimes even access ideas that flow more easily when you’re too tired for barriers…. And many of my creative plans for 2011 require more writing output, so it’s good to have this reminder.

What do you think, will there be more productivity from us all in 2011? Or just another well-intended New Year’s resolution?? (Here’s hoping for more writing from us all!)

 Posted by Tara at 5:39 am

#reverb10 Day 1: Two Words

 Just Life  3 Responses »
Dec 022010
 

[I caught up on feeds late last night and was slow to find out about the #reverb10 project. LOVE this chance to learn more about the hopes, dreams, and daily lives of my blogging friends and to share the same with you, so I’m joining belatedly!]

Day One asks for one word that encapsulates the year 2010. For me, that word is Motherhood. 

Anyone with a small child knows that parenthood takes a huge quantity of time and energy. That effect is even stronger in my life because chronic illness leaves so little time and energy to begin with. ALL my energy this year has been spent on motherhood. There is nothing left. 

In the long run, I believe a happy and healthy daughter is worth the sacrifice. But there’s no question that it has been a sacrifice. I had nothing of my own in 2010.

In 2011, I hope to change that situation and have more time/energy to Create. I want to create a life beyond and separate from my existence as a mother. I want to create a relationship with my husband beyond and separate from our existence as parents. I want to create better health for myself. I want to create beauty and harmony in our poor, neglected physical surroundings.

I also have several specific creations in mind, but those will have to await their fruition in 2011. Can’t wait to share them with you!

 Posted by Tara at 9:15 pm

Mommy’s Little Secret

 Just Life, Travels  7 Responses »
Nov 102010
 

Our Vegas trip was part of a get-together for some of Mr T’s college buddies. Despite being the only one with baby in tow, he got away for a few hours a day to enjoy some guy bonding.

Among other Vegas activities, the guys were determined to shoot machine guns. Now, Mr T is about as blue-state liberal bleeding-heart pacifist as you can get. This was his first time even touching a real gun.

But turns out my man can shoot. Their package included a pistol competition, and he put one through the bullseye and the other just outside. (In comparison, some of the other guys didn’t even hit the target.) His shooting prowess even won him this hat:

So can you guess Mommy’s Little Secret?

I disapprove of guns for many, many reasons … but I found his shooting expertise totally hot. Usually I’m attracted to things like his gentleness with our daughter, the way he treats me as a real partner, and his comprehensive knowledge of current news. But some part of my pre-evolutionary lizard brain loves to know that Daddy can take out our enemies. Bring on the zombie apocalypse, beyotches — my man can shoot!

Have you ever surprised yourself with the things that attract you to your mate?

 Posted by Tara at 10:51 pm

Help Drag Grandma Into the Digital Age

 Just Life, Your Two Cents  8 Responses »
Oct 182010
 

I am a decade older than most of my blogging pals.  I rarely notice the difference, especially since most are also relative newlyweds and/or the parents of young children.  But compared to 20-somethings who grew up with computers, sometimes I feel like Grandma when it comes to the finer points of technology.

It’s not like I can’t figure out how to turn on my laptop.  But I have no understanding of html, much less css.  My video game skills topped out at Intelivision.  I distinctly remember the first time someone asked me for my email address.  In college I owned a record player but not a computer.  I have operated a mimeograph machine.

Which is all a long way of saying: I have run into technological challenges, and I need your help.  Do you, my computer-savvy friends, have advice on the following?

Feed Readers:

I use Bloglines, and Bloglines is going away.  Google Reader’s looks displease me, but I don’t love Safari Reader’s drop-down menu.  Do you have tips on either one?  Do you use a third option?

Twitter:

I have a Twitter account, but I still don’t “get” Twitter.  I can never follow what anyone is saying.  I’ve heard the cocktail party analogy, and it helped a little, but it’s a party where I keep running into the same five acquaintances and all they do is make oblique references to conversations they had before I arrived.

If you love Twitter, what do you love about it?  Is there a way to follow conversation threads, or do you just drop by, take a scan, and shrug off whatever you can’t understand?  Is there a way to separate out the people I really want to read from the ones I only want to check once in a blue moon?

Smartphones:

I got a Droid last month, and so far I just use it for navigation, pressing research (“didn’t Huey Luis have another song that sounded just like this one?”), and Mah-Johng Solitaire marathons. Am I missing anything important?  How do you use your smartphone?

Thanks for your help, young’uns.  Now turn down that music and get off my lawn.

 Posted by Tara at 4:04 am

Hi. This is Me.

 Just Life, Motherhood  17 Responses »
Sep 212010
 

You know those women who snap into a practiced pose the moment a camera appears? The perfect big-but-not-too-big smile, chin up, hips at three-quarter turn? Yeah, that’s … not me. I grow awkward under social scrutiny, and a camera lens gets me worst of all. I never know when to blink, how to smile (small looks forced, big and joyous leaves me with crazed, squinty eyes), where to stand, what to do with my arms.

But, even with that history, I have never loathed my appearance in photos as much as I do since becoming a mother. The baby weight hangs on me both physically and psychologically, my hair is thin and perpetually unwashed, and gray skin and eye bags signal my exhaustion. Occasionally I appear in the background of family photos, holding up the baby (which is to say, trying to hide behind her). But relatively few survive my heavy-handed access to the digital “delete” button.

Before last month’s BlogHer conference, I emailed a blogger I hoped to meet and scanned this blog for a photo I could link as a “look for me” aid. There were few! (And, of course, the ones that exist I deemed too awful to send….) Luckily, I took the realization as a wake-up of sorts. Life is too short to go around feeling apologetic for the face you show to the world.

So, hi. This is me. Good to see you.

Are you a natural model, or do photos make you nervous? Mothers, do you also struggle with post-baby self-image? Any solutions?

 Posted by Tara at 7:38 am

Illness + Baby = Zero

 Just Life  7 Responses »
Sep 142010
 

I’ve been sick for a month.  In a word: it sucks.

As a chronically ill person (is there a better term for that? Sicko?), I’m used to adjusting life to match my available energy.  Too often, that energy goes to keeping Baby alive and thriving, and there’s nothing left for my own pursuits.  But when I’m especially sick, life slides into a big black hole.  I basically disappear as a person.  And when I return, it is to missed deadlines, apologies, and the clean-up of messes.

I have many things to share with you, including two exciting new blogs.  (Because, when you can’t keep up with ONE blog, why not start two more?!?!!)  But … it might take a while.  Just wanted to know that I’m thinking of you all, from here inside my hole.

 Posted by Tara at 1:36 am
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